I Said I Love You But I Lied..

Itu judul lagunya Michael Bolton. Terjemahan bahasa Indonesianya Aku bilang aku cinta kamu tapi aku bohong..

That’s Michael Bolton’s song. But this post is not about that song.

Saya lagi nyari judul buat postingan ini waktu judul lagu itu terlintas di pikiran saya. Kayaknya pas.

I was looking for this post title when it came to my mind.

Bukan, ini bukan pengakuan dosa soal hubungan pribadi saya. Hehe. Saya dan Andre baik-baik saja. Beberapa hari lalu kami bahkan bertemu di Jakarta walau awalnya saya mengira saya hanya akan kumpul-kumpul dengan beberapa teman kami di rumah salah seorang dari mereka. Siapa kira kalau Andre ternyata ada di sana.

No, this is not personal confession. Lol. Andre and I are doing just fine. Infact, we met in Jakarta few days ago at the time when I thought I would meet some of our friends there. I never suspected that Andre was at the house that owned by one of our friends, the house that arranged as our meeting place.

Big surprise!

Rupanya dia sudah merencanakan semuanya ketika mengetahui dia akan berkunjung ke Hongkong. Dia menghubungi teman-teman kami. Meminta mereka menghubungi dan menjemput saya tanpa memberitahu saya bahwa semua itu adalah idenya dan bahwa dia akan berada di rumah dimana kami akan berkumpul.

Later I learned that he had it all planned once he knew he would be coming to Hongkong. He contacted our friends. Asked them to contact and picked me up without mentioned it to me that the whole thing was his idea and that he would be at the meeting place.

Kami hanya bertemu sehari itu saja. Menghabiskan sore dan malam bersama. Besok paginya kami berpisah. Dia kembali ke negerinya sementara saya pulang ke Bogor.

We got together just on that day. We spent the rest of the afternoon and night together. The next morning he returned to his country while I went back to Bogor.

Begitulah Andre. Penuh kejutan. Kaya dengan ide. Selalu punya cara untuk menyegarkan hubungan kami. Kalau dia tidak seperti itu, saya rasa hubungan kami bisa berakhir bertahun-tahun yang lalu karena saya bukan tipe perempuan agresif, saya terlalu cuek, terlalu cool, di tambah dengan sifat saya yang terlalu mandiri, individualis dan terlalu menahan diri bisa bikin hubungan kami jadi datar, tawar atau mendingin.

But that’s Andre. Full of surprise. Lots of ideas. Always have ways to refresh our relationship. But if he is not like that, I think our relationship had long ended years ago because I am not an aggressive woman, I am reserved, kind a stiff, independent, individualist and they are the right stuff to make our relationship turn cold.

Cinta memang bukan sekedar bilang ‘aku cinta kamu’

Love is not about saying the words ‘I love you’

Ngomong cinta; bilang sayang; tapi kalau kelakuan tidak konsisten, ya, jadilah ‘Said I Love You But I Lied..’

You could say I love you, you could talk about love, but if your behavior shows the opposite.. well, that’s ‘I Said I Love You But I Lied..’

Cuma sekarang ucapan ‘aku cinta kamu’ kayaknya gampang banget keluar dari mulut orang yang merasa dirinya lagi penuh cinta.

But somehow the words ‘I love you’ have been spoken too easy these days. Those who feel they are full with love speak the words without really understand its real meaning.

Tapi ketika terjadi pertengkaran, mmm… yang ada pada saling memaki dengan kata-kata kasar, melontarkan kalimat-kalimat penuh cercaan atau penghinaan. Bahkan tidak jarang kepalan tangan dan tendangan melayang. Ironisnya hidup pun bisa di akhiri oleh orang yang mulutnya pernah berucap ‘aku cinta kamu’…

And at the time of fight, hmm.. yelling at each other, saying mean-rude-hurtfull words. It might also go violent when one party beats his partner. More ironically is one could be killed by the person whose mouth has said ‘I love you’.

Beberapa waktu lalu saya menyaksikan seorang lelaki menampar muka seorang wanita. Kejadiannya di tepi jalan yang bisa di bilang tidak sepi. Sepertinya mereka sedang bertengkar. Yang memprihatinkan adalah keduanya berseragam putih abu-abu. Masih SMA! Dan sudah berkelakuan seperti itu?!

Some time ago I witnessed a man slapped a woman’s face. It happened at the side of a quite crowded road. It looks like they were having an argument. But what makes me concern is they both wearing highschool uniform. They were just teenagers! And they behave like that already?!

Di lain waktu saya melihat dua kekasih bertengkar di dalam angkot. Bukan cuma perang mulut agaknya karena mereka juga saling pukul-pukulan. Nah, kalau peristiwa pemukulan pertama yang saya saksikan itu pihak perempuannya diam tidak melawan, maka perempuan yang di dalam angkot ini tidak terima di pukul dan balik memukul lekakinya. Ha! Jadi saya menyaksikan adegan pukul memukul satu babak.

At other time I saw a couple were having a fight in a public transportation. They were not just yelling at each other, they smacking one another as well. So, while the teenage girl in the previous story remained unresponsive when her boyfriend slapped her face, this girl in the public transportation reacted when her boyfriend smacked her. She smacked him back. Great! So I just watched what seemed to be a one round of lover’s fight.

Lain lagi ceritanya dengan sahabat lama saya yang bersuamikan lelaki yang punya sifat posesif dan cemburuan. Menurut sahabat saya, kalau lagi datang bad moodnya, suaminya akan mencercanya tanpa pandang bulu mereka sedang bersama siapa atau sedang berada dimana. Cobalah bayangkan, bagaimana rasanya di cerca suami sendiri di mall yang ramai. Tidak heran sudah lebih dari sekali sahabat saya itu kabur dari rumah dan ingin bercerai dari suaminya itu.

A long time friend has another story to tell about marrying a possessive man. She told me when her husband had bad mood, for example, he would curse at her with little care at the time, place or whom they were with at that time. Just imagine how would it feel to be cursed by your own husband in a crowded mall. No wonder my best friend has been repeatedly tried to run away from their house and wanted to get a divorce.

‘I Said I Love You But I Lied’..

Mencintai seseorang berarti tidak menyakitinya.

Loving somebody means you don’t hurt him / her.

Bahkan tidak di saat terjadi pertengkaran, kesalahpahaman, ketika lelucon-perkataan-perbuatan yang tanpa disengaja telah melewati batas, kecemburuan atau bad mood.

Not even at the time of fight or argument, when one joked-said-did things over the line, not when one gets jealous or having bad mood.

Hubungan saya dengan Andre tidak selalu manis. Di tahun-tahun pertama pernah beberapa kali bertengkar mulut. Dan 5 tahun lalu saya tidaklah sesabar sekarang. Parahnya lagi, ketika itu  penguasaan diri juga belum sebaik sekarang. Akibatnya ketika terjadi friksi, lepas kendalilah saya.

My relation with Andre has its rough times in the first years. We quarreled several times. And 5 years ago I was not as patient as I am now. Worst, my self control was not as good as it is now. So when we quarreled, I just lost control.

Tapi sekeras, sekasar, sepedas apa pun kata-kata saya tidak membuat Andre melayangkan tangan kepada saya. Dia hanya membalas dengan kata-kata keras dan ketika dia tidak bisa menahan emosi, dia pergi meninggalkan saya. Paling, separah-parahnya hanya meja, tembok atau pintu yang jadi korban kena tendang atau hajaran salah seorang dari kami. Hehe. Ya, jangan di kira saya tidak bisa mencari pelampiasan kalau sedang marah.

But no matter how rude, mean, cruel my words were, Andre never hit me. He just just yelled back at me or if he thought he couldn’t hold himself he would leave the room. The worst ever happened is the desk, wall or door were kicked or slammed by one of us. Yep. Don’t think that I wouldn’t do such thing when I got really angry.

Sulit memang menahan diri kalau sedang dalam keadaan emosi jiwa. Lalu kenapa seorang lelaki tidak melakukan tindakan kekerasan kepada pasangannya sementara lelaki lain melakukannya?

I know it’s hard to maintain self control when the tension is high. But what makes one man can do that while others failed?

Saya memikirkan hal itu dan sekali pernah menanyakannya.

I thought about it and once even asked the question.

“I said many mean words when we had a fight but you didn’t hit me. Why?” tanya saya pada Andre. Saya mengeluarkan banyak kata-kata yang menyakitkan hati waktu kita bertengkar tapi kamu ga mukul saya. Kenapa?

“I said many mean words when we had a fight but you didn’t hit me. Why?” I asked Andre that question.

“Because I love you” jawabnya kalem “I won’t hurt the people I love”. Karena saya sayang kamu. Saya ga akan menyakiti orang-orang yang saya sayangi.

“Because I love you” was his answer “I won’t hurt the people I love”

“Eventhough they treat you like shit?” goda saya. Sekalipun mereka memperlakukan kamu dengan tidak baik?

“Eventhough they treat you like shit?” I teased him.

“Well, if they treat me like that, it means they don’t love me”. Yah, kalau mereka berkelakuan kayak gitu, artinya mereka ga sayang sama saya.

“Well, if they treat me like that, it means they don’t love me”.

Ayah saya mempunyai pandangan sederhana mengenai hal ini “lelaki yang memukul perempuan adalah banci. Kalau memang berani, cari lawan yang sama besarnya, sama tinggi dan sama kuat dong. Masa perempuan yang jadi sasaran. Itu perbuatan banci”.

My father’s opinion is simple “man who beats woman is a sissy. If he really have the ball, get himself somebody who is as big, tall and strong as himself to fight with. Don’t make any woman as a sandbag. That is so sissy”.

FYI, ayah saya di masa remaja dan muda dulunya pernah belajar kungfu, tukang keluyuran, mondar-mandir berkelahi dan banyak bergaul dengan orang-orang begajulan tapi kepada ibu saya dan saya serta pada dua almarhum adik perempuan saya, tidak pernah sekali pun bersuara keras apalagi memukul. Yang ada sih malah selalu mengalah dan memanjakan kami.

FYI, my father learned kungfu, went into street fight and hang around with bad people when he was a teenager and on his youth years. But he never raises his voice, let alone hit my mother, me or my two late sisters. He treats us with love and even spoiling us too.

Menurut saya, pendapat dan prinsip Andre serta ayah saya benar. Secara pribadi saya menyarankan jangan sampai ucapan tidak konsisten dengan perbuatan.

I think both Andre and my father are right. Personally, I suggest anyone to do accordingly to what is spoken.

Jangan sampai kata-kata di bawah ini mengungkapkan kebenaran tentang diri kita.

Don’t let these words speak the truth about us.

‘I Said I Love You But I Lied..’