Greetings dear readers / salam buat para pembaca

Knowing that I say it better in writing, and I do love writing, I decided to write my experiences and thoughts in this blog so this is my e-diary.

Don't speak Indonesian? No need to worry, it is written both in Indonesian and in English.

Happy Reading, everybody !

Buat saya mengungkapkan isi hati dan pemikiran lebih gampang dilakukan dalam bentuk tulisan dan karena saya juga senang menulis, saya memutuskan menulis hal-hal yang saya alami dan yang ada dalam pikiran saya dalam blog ini.

Untuk yang tidak bisa berbahasa Indonesia, jangan khawatir, blog ini saya tulis dalam bahasa Indonesia dan Inggris.

Selamat membaca !

Monday, November 19, 2012

Hold On

Depression made me lost everything I have ever believed, hoped and dreamed. Depression is a worst thing to happen to anyone. But losing what you believe, hope or dream are much worst.

“Hold on” my boyfriend whispered to me those words every morning.

He then softly sang Diana Ross song ‘If We Hold On Together’. He did that every morning as I woke up.

“Good morning, baby. Wake up, rise and shine” he woke me up “A new day has come. Hold on” and followed by singing that song.

“Arrrrghh, you can’t sing!” I laughed.

He didn’t care. He kept on singing the song. Ok, so he is not Josh Groban but he is not Mr. Frog either. Get it?. It’s not about the voice, though. It is about him coming over from his country because he worried about me and for three days of his stay, he did everything he could think of to pump up my spirit.

“Hold on, baby” he kissed me “You are a good person. Nobody and nothing can break you”.

It is exactly what I keep telling myself. Hold on. You are a good person. Nobody and nothing can break you.

It is not easy. I recently realized that small minor things could sink my spirit. A guy accidentally dropped a light bulb that I bought when he was trying to change the old light bulb. I knew about it when my colleague texted me. The next day he came to me with the box where he stored the broken light bulb and wanted to show me.

“I don’t want to see it” was my spontaneous reaction “Put it away from me. Seeing it broken would only make me sad”.

He thought I was joking but after I repeated it with a tone that said I really meant it, he knew I was serious.

But long after he left me alone in my room, I couldn’t stop thinking about my own reaction. It was just a stupid light bulb. Why would it mean so much to me?. It was not even bought by my money. So why would it mattered much like I had all my life on it??.

“Honey, what have happened to me?” I asked my boyfriend when he called me in the evening “Why on earth I have become so sensitive like that?. Am I going crazy?”.

“No, you are not” came his deep firm voice “Listen to me, you are not going crazy. It is just a phase that you have to go through lately and we have agreed that you are recovering. You pull yourself back together and things are getting better, right?”.

Yes, he is right. The bleeding  has stopped (after raging wildly for nearly two months). And though I am still battling nausea and the feeling of exhaustment but my body seems to put things in order.

“Hold on, ok” and he sang me Diana Ross song again that seems has become our anthem.

“Oh no!” I laughed and cried at the same time. Touched by his attention. Tickled by his voice. Moved by his love. Embarrassed by what I consider something unimaginable to have me, the ever tough person, would need such reassurance “Don’t sing… arrrgghh, not that song again..”.

“I love you” he said at the end of the song “Just hold on, baby. You will be okay”.

Hold on, I told that to myself and hummed Diana Ross song as I was going to bed that  night.

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