Doggie - In Loving Memory

We made these memories for ourselves

Where our eyes are never closing

Our hearts were never broken

And time’s forever frozen still

*Photograph - Ed Sheeran

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

One wish I made ten years ago

A wish I myself never took seriously

As I lied down on my bed

In the darkness of my bedroom

A thought came to my mind

‘When can I have my own dog?’

Mom didn’t want to have any dog

Dog messes the house and the garden..

‘Maybe I could only have a dog when I have my own house’

How many years would it take

Before I had my own house

‘I really want to have a dog’

I sighed and fell to sleep

Soon forgot all about that thought

and the wish..

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

I was only a few months old pup

When one of my former master’s worker ran away

He took me with him

I don’t know whether he did that because he loved me

Or he simply abducted me

It was one fateful morning

As we were walking down the dusty road in Bekasi, Jakarta

A car stopped beside us

The driver, a lady, rolled down her car’s window

There was pity on her eyes when she stared at me

She spoke to my master’s former worker

I didn’t know they were negotiating my price

Nor did I know she is your aunt, Keke

She took me home

She had many dogs there

I thought I have found home at last

But her dogs didn’t like me

‘Go away’, they growled at me, ‘we don’t want you here’

I had to defend myself

I maybe young but I was not afraid of them

So we had fights on every single day of my short stay there

One day I heard the lady spoke on the phone

‘Would Keke want a dog?’

A day or maybe two days later..

She went out, ran the car’s engine

She took me inside the car

Oh no, not again.. I hate cars, I’ve always got carsick

Where are we going anyway? Where is she taking me?

What’s going to happen to me?

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

Dad’s youngest sister phoned

She told him about a dog she found in Bekasi

And the dog just didn’t fit in with her other dogs

She wanted to find a home for this dog

‘Would Keke want a dog?’

Mom was skeptical

Too late, dad already said yes, bring the dog to Bogor

I remained cool, pressing down my curiosity

And excitement

A dog..

Mixture of anxieties for longing to have a dog

And intimidated by mother’s nerve

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

The car stopped

The door was open

I was carried out

Ok, everything shaken

I walked like a drunken man

I was led into a house

‘He threw up in the car’ said the lady to a man who greeted us

I looked up, my heart beat fast

Would I be punished?

But the man just laughed

His eyes shone warmly at me

A girl who looks like him came to me

She put a bowl of water infront of me

Water..

Just what I need.. oh, thank you!

The fresh cold water refreshed me

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

‘Is that the dog?’ mom raised her eyebrows

She gave us an old dog?

Look at how the dog walks

‘He’s got carsick’, said my aunt, ‘he threw up in the car’

The dog looked up to dad

Poor thing

Would he want a drink?

Where should I put the water?

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

My nausea slowly gone

I lied on the floor while they talked in the house

I sniffed and looked around

The house is modest but it’s bigger and cleaner than the lady’s house

The air is fresher too

I don’t know where I am

But I like this place

The man and the girl are nice

The other lady however, looks at me cautiously

But all of them are good people

I trust my instinct

‘Be good, boy’, the lady said farewell to me

So this is my home

And the man, the girl and the other lady are my masters now

Yippee! I found a home!

I have a family now

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

The dog was quiet for a week or so

He ate everything we gave him

He drank water, milk and even tea

Poor thing.. as if he had not eaten or drank for ages

I bathed him on the third day of his stay in our house

What a wonder it did to him

He looked different after the bath

Not only that he looked clean

I never knew he was one handsome dog

He too must be felt different after the bath

Because he looked as if he came back alive again

He soon settled in

He liked everything in his new home

We too soon learned that he was a well behaved dog

Easy to be trained

A calm dog

He won our hearts

Even mom melted

The best dog had been sent to us

One night, I remembered the wish I made few months earlier

The wish was granted

Doggie came into our lives

And for the next nine years

He had become a family member

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

They found a name for me

‘Doggie’

New name, new home, new family

I love it

I never looked back to the life I had before I met them

Those past was gone

This is now

This is my home

And these three people have become my family

They were and still are the love of my life

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

Tell me how I survive without you, Doggie

he hated being photographed

If only I knew you were only given nine years

I would spend more time with you

I wouldn’t be too busy

I wouldn’t spend nights away from the house

I would hug you more, kiss you a lot, play with you whenever I was at home

I would let you sleep in my room all the time

I would take more photos of you

Darn, I forgot to have you recorded in video

And I had the gadgets

How stupid of me!

I thought you would stay longer

Dogs can live as long as fifteen and even twenty years of age

You’re gone too soon..

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

Yeah, it sucks that I was only given nine years

But hey, those were the best nine years I had with you

With your father and mother too

I have no regrets

Okay, so I wish I could live longer too

But none of us could change a thing about it

I don’t blame you

For being busy,

For being away from the house

I don’t want you to spend your days or too many of your time to stay at home

It wouldn’t be good for you

Life is to be lived, to be cherished

I knew you would always go back home

I waited for you in the afternoon

When you didn’t come home that day,

I knew you would come home the next day

Or the day after that

You would only leave the house for three days at max

I knew no matter how busy you were

Or how tired you were

Or how excited your life was

You would always come home and happy to see me

Your face has always brightened

You smiled broadly

You called my name

You arms stretched out..

‘Oggie.. Doggie.. tookie ookie..’

You have other nicknames for me

Sound silly but heck, I didn’t and never mind it

I love you, Keke..

Even to hear your name spoken

Would make me raised my ears

And looked out to see if you were at the gate

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

I always have this hope

That thing will get better for us all

When money will never be a problem anymore

I can give you and my parents better and bigger house

I can give you and my parents the best medicine money can buy

I can give you a mate, a female dog to be your friend and company

Forgive me, Doggie

I couldn’t give you the best treatment and medicine when you fell ill

And that illness took your life

I failed you..

I am so sorry

I couldn’t save you

I couldn’t take away your pain and suffering

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

Wednesday, 3^rd of June 2015

It was a beautiful and bright morning but

I didn’t feel good

I didn’t look good

I coughed and threw up

My body was weakened

I lied there, couldn’t even wagged my tail anymore

When Keke came

She would leave the house for work

She bent down

She put her hand on my head

I managed to lift up my head to look at her

Our eyes met

There was cloud in her eyes

I knew she hid her tears

I rarely saw her cry

She spoke softly ‘bye, Doggie’

She caressed my head

She always said that to me before she left for work

But this morning, it was a different meaning

Usually we knew we would see each other again in the afternoon

When she got back from work

But this morning, as our eyes met

We both knew..

I wouldn’t be here anymore when she got back from work

My heart broke

Not of my illness

Not of knowing my end was close

But to think how hard it would be for her

For not having me in the house anymore

For not able to accompany her anymore

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

Thursday, 4^th of June 2015

It was almost 1 am and I was still awake

In about five more hours I would have to get up

I spent the night in the office

There would be an event held in Puncak

To save the time and energy, I decided to stay over in the office

My heart was so troubled

I was grieving deeply since 9 pm

Doggie was at home

He was ill, very ill

In the past  he always got better

Somehow this time it felt different

I didn’t want to admit it

I refused to accept it

No, my dog would be okay again

But I couldn’t get rid the feeling I’ve got this morning

When I caressed Doggie’s head

Our eyes met

Those brown eyes that I have looked into so many times

They looked sad

As if I would never see him again

We both got that feeling

That it would be our last meeting

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

An angel came and carried me up

The day was still dark

But I saw light, a bright and beautiful light

And my pain was gone

Oh, I am so happy

I am no longer in pain now

But where am I?

  

Suddenly I heard a cry

Wait.., I knew that voice

I looked down..

I saw a girl sitting on a bed, in a dark room, alone

She was weeping and sobbing hard

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

he liked kids & kids liked him. kids came to my house when they heard he has
passed away. some of them come regularly to see his grave

Suddenly I saw Doggie!

He just appeared infront of me!

He smiled to me

I spontaneously hugged him, kissed him, cuddled him

He lied down his head on my shoulder

The thing he would do when I cuddled him

I knew instantly he has passed away

I cried

He put his right paw on my left arm

As if he wanted to tell me things would be okay

A voice came ‘it’s time’

No, no.. I don’t want to let him go

Give me more time

I saw him being carried and lifted up by an angel

He looked down to me

I have never seen him so happy, so peaceful, young and healthy

The angel brought him to a light place

Heaven

I have seen it many times before

My Doggie is in heaven now

I wept for feeling relief

And loss

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

this was one of his favorite spot. this is where we burried him

I looked at Keke, my dear Keke, my love

She stopped crying

She hugged me, kissed me, cuddled me

Oh, it was like before

She has done this like a thousand of times

I always love it

But I have got this feeling

I put my paw on her arm

Keke, you have to let me go..

I wished I could stay forever with you

But I can’t

The angel lifted me up

I looked down to see Keke

Don’t cry, Keke

Be happy for me

I am happy

I will be living in this beautiful place

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

Tell me how can I survive without you

You were one of my positive energy

The world and people may go crazy

But when I got home

And I saw you, as I hugged and kissed you

I knew you were my sanctuary

Eversince you were gone

I am angry at everything and at everyone

Stupid world, stupid people, stupid problems, stupid life

I hate it, I hate them, I hate myself, I hate my life

I hate this period of time

I hate not knowing how to deal with it

And how to overcome it

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

I hate to see her crying

She cried a lot

I feel her pain

And it’s making me restless

I am given a privilege

I am being sent back to earth

To be with Keke

To ease her feelings

Until she is no longer grieving

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

I broke down on the third day

After Doggie was gone

That night with all of my heart, spirit and soul.. I called out for him

The next day

When I woke up in the morning

I saw him in my room

He jumped up to me, barking and wagging his tail

So excited and happy to see me

I thought I was imagining

Maybe I have gone crazy

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

Just like her father and her late grandmother

She can see spirit

She can see me

She was skeptical at first

She thought she was hallucinating

But then she saw me going back and forth between two world

Only after that she knew I return to earth

For her

My presence calms her

Soothes her

Prevents her from doing bad things out of grieve

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

his last photo, taken in February 2015

I am still grieving

But it is not as bad as before

Doggie is still around

I see his spirit

I know it is not forever

They say time heals

But I don’t know how long it is going to be

Before I can fully overcome this grief

And to live completely without Doggie

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

I am here for as long as you need me

But life doesn’t end here

You have a long and beautiful life

You will have all of your dreams and hopes

So don’t give up

Keep walking, keep your head’s up, keep the faith

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

I have gone through many shits in my life

Nothing have ever beaten me

I’ll get through this somehow

You’ll see..

*  *  *  *  *

Doggie:

I stick around for time being

Until you can stand firm on your feet again

When you finally able to live without me

Remember this,

I never get far from you

And one day

We will be reunited, never be apart again

*  *  *  *  *

Keke:

you're greatly missed not only by me, the kids, neighbors, my students &
even the garbage man miss you, this morning when he came, he called out
'Doggie, Doggie!.. where are you?' .. eventhough he knew you've passed away

People suggest and even have offered me

A new dog

I told them Doggie is irreplaceable

It was 5^th April, 2006

When he came into my life

And left me on 4^th June, 2015

We had nine years together

We will have eternity together

Wait for me to come home, Doggie..

Where we will never be apart again