Greetings dear readers / salam buat para pembaca

Knowing that I say it better in writing, and I do love writing, I decided to write my experiences and thoughts in this blog so this is my e-diary.

Don't speak Indonesian? No need to worry, it is written both in Indonesian and in English.

Happy Reading, everybody !

Buat saya mengungkapkan isi hati dan pemikiran lebih gampang dilakukan dalam bentuk tulisan dan karena saya juga senang menulis, saya memutuskan menulis hal-hal yang saya alami dan yang ada dalam pikiran saya dalam blog ini.

Untuk yang tidak bisa berbahasa Indonesia, jangan khawatir, blog ini saya tulis dalam bahasa Indonesia dan Inggris.

Selamat membaca !

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Doggie - In Loving Memory

We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
And time’s forever frozen still
*Photograph - Ed Sheeran

*  *  *  *  *

One wish I made ten years ago
A wish I myself never took seriously
As I lied down on my bed
In the darkness of my bedroom
A thought came to my mind
‘When can I have my own dog?’
Mom didn’t want to have any dog
Dog messes the house and the garden..

Maybe I could only have a dog when I have my own house’
How many years would it take
Before I had my own house
‘I really want to have a dog’
I sighed and fell to sleep
Soon forgot all about that thought
and the wish..

*  *  *  *  *

I was only a few months old pup
When one of my former master’s worker ran away
He took me with him
I don’t know whether he did that because he loved me
Or he simply abducted me

It was one fateful morning
As we were walking down the dusty road in Bekasi, Jakarta
A car stopped beside us
The driver, a lady, rolled down her car’s window
There was pity on her eyes when she stared at me
She spoke to my master’s former worker
I didn’t know they were negotiating my price
Nor did I know she is your aunt, Keke

She took me home
She had many dogs there
I thought I have found home at last
But her dogs didn’t like me
‘Go away’, they growled at me, ‘we don’t want you here’
I had to defend myself
I maybe young but I was not afraid of them
So we had fights on every single day of my short stay there

One day I heard the lady spoke on the phone
‘Would Keke want a dog?’

A day or maybe two days later..
She went out, ran the car’s engine
She took me inside the car
Oh no, not again.. I hate cars, I’ve always got carsick
Where are we going anyway? Where is she taking me?
What’s going to happen to me?

*  *  *  *  *
Dad’s youngest sister phoned
She told him about a dog she found in Bekasi
And the dog just didn’t fit in with her other dogs
She wanted to find a home for this dog
‘Would Keke want a dog?’

Mom was skeptical
Too late, dad already said yes, bring the dog to Bogor
I remained cool, pressing down my curiosity
And excitement
A dog..
Mixture of anxieties for longing to have a dog
And intimidated by mother’s nerve

*  *  *  *  *
The car stopped
The door was open
I was carried out
Ok, everything shaken
I walked like a drunken man

I was led into a house
‘He threw up in the car’ said the lady to a man who greeted us
I looked up, my heart beat fast
Would I be punished?
But the man just laughed
His eyes shone warmly at me

A girl who looks like him came to me
She put a bowl of water infront of me
Just what I need.. oh, thank you!
The fresh cold water refreshed me

*  *  *  *  *

Is that the dog?’ mom raised her eyebrows
She gave us an old dog?
Look at how the dog walks

‘He’s got carsick’, said my aunt, ‘he threw up in the car’
The dog looked up to dad
Poor thing
Would he want a drink?
Where should I put the water?

*  *  *  *  *
My nausea slowly gone
I lied on the floor while they talked in the house
I sniffed and looked around
The house is modest but it’s bigger and cleaner than the lady’s house
The air is fresher too
I don’t know where I am
But I like this place
The man and the girl are nice
The other lady however, looks at me cautiously
But all of them are good people
I trust my instinct

‘Be good, boy’, the lady said farewell to me
So this is my home
And the man, the girl and the other lady are my masters now
Yippee! I found a home!
I have a family now

*  *  *  *  *

The dog was quiet for a week or so
He ate everything we gave him
He drank water, milk and even tea
Poor thing.. as if he had not eaten or drank for ages

I bathed him on the third day of his stay in our house
What a wonder it did to him
He looked different after the bath
Not only that he looked clean
I never knew he was one handsome dog
He too must be felt different after the bath
Because he looked as if he came back alive again

He soon settled in
He liked everything in his new home
We too soon learned that he was a well behaved dog
Easy to be trained
A calm dog
He won our hearts
Even mom melted

The best dog had been sent to us
One night, I remembered the wish I made few months earlier
The wish was granted
Doggie came into our lives
And for the next nine years
He had become a family member

*  *  *  *  *
They found a name for me
New name, new home, new family
I love it
I never looked back to the life I had before I met them
Those past was gone
This is now
This is my home
And these three people have become my family
They were and still are the love of my life

*  *  *  *  *

Tell me how I survive without you, Doggie
he hated being photographed
If only I knew you were only given nine years
I would spend more time with you
I wouldn’t be too busy
I wouldn’t spend nights away from the house
I would hug you more, kiss you a lot, play with you whenever I was at home
I would let you sleep in my room all the time
I would take more photos of you
Darn, I forgot to have you recorded in video
And I had the gadgets
How stupid of me!
I thought you would stay longer
Dogs can live as long as fifteen and even twenty years of age
You’re gone too soon..

*  *  *  *  *

Yeah, it sucks that I was only given nine years
But hey, those were the best nine years I had with you
With your father and mother too
I have no regrets
Okay, so I wish I could live longer too
But none of us could change a thing about it

I don’t blame you
For being busy,
For being away from the house
I don’t want you to spend your days or too many of your time to stay at home
It wouldn’t be good for you
Life is to be lived, to be cherished
I knew you would always go back home
I waited for you in the afternoon
When you didn’t come home that day,
I knew you would come home the next day
Or the day after that
You would only leave the house for three days at max

I knew no matter how busy you were
Or how tired you were
Or how excited your life was
You would always come home and happy to see me

Your face has always brightened
You smiled broadly
You called my name
You arms stretched out..
‘Oggie.. Doggie.. tookie ookie..’
You have other nicknames for me
Sound silly but heck, I didn’t and never mind it
I love you, Keke..
Even to hear your name spoken
Would make me raised my ears
And looked out to see if you were at the gate

*  *  *  *  *

I always have this hope
That thing will get better for us all
When money will never be a problem anymore
I can give you and my parents better and bigger house
I can give you and my parents the best medicine money can buy
I can give you a mate, a female dog to be your friend and company

Forgive me, Doggie
I couldn’t give you the best treatment and medicine when you fell ill
And that illness took your life
I failed you..
I am so sorry
I couldn’t save you
I couldn’t take away your pain and suffering

*  *  *  *  *

Wednesday, 3rd of June 2015
It was a beautiful and bright morning but
I didn’t feel good
I didn’t look good
I coughed and threw up
My body was weakened
I lied there, couldn’t even wagged my tail anymore
When Keke came
She would leave the house for work

She bent down
She put her hand on my head
I managed to lift up my head to look at her
Our eyes met
There was cloud in her eyes
I knew she hid her tears
I rarely saw her cry

She spoke softly ‘bye, Doggie’
She caressed my head
She always said that to me before she left for work
But this morning, it was a different meaning
Usually we knew we would see each other again in the afternoon
When she got back from work

But this morning, as our eyes met
We both knew..
I wouldn’t be here anymore when she got back from work

My heart broke
Not of my illness
Not of knowing my end was close
But to think how hard it would be for her
For not having me in the house anymore
For not able to accompany her anymore

*  *  *  *  *

Thursday, 4th of June 2015
It was almost 1 am and I was still awake
In about five more hours I would have to get up
I spent the night in the office
There would be an event held in Puncak
To save the time and energy, I decided to stay over in the office

My heart was so troubled
I was grieving deeply since 9 pm
Doggie was at home
He was ill, very ill
In the past  he always got better
Somehow this time it felt different
I didn’t want to admit it
I refused to accept it
No, my dog would be okay again
But I couldn’t get rid the feeling I’ve got this morning
When I caressed Doggie’s head
Our eyes met
Those brown eyes that I have looked into so many times
They looked sad
As if I would never see him again
We both got that feeling
That it would be our last meeting

*  *  *  *  *

An angel came and carried me up
The day was still dark
But I saw light, a bright and beautiful light
And my pain was gone
Oh, I am so happy
I am no longer in pain now
But where am I?
Suddenly I heard a cry
Wait.., I knew that voice
I looked down..
I saw a girl sitting on a bed, in a dark room, alone
She was weeping and sobbing hard

*  *  *  *  *

he liked kids & kids liked him. kids came to my house when they heard he has
passed away. some of them come regularly to see his grave
Suddenly I saw Doggie!
He just appeared infront of me!
He smiled to me
I spontaneously hugged him, kissed him, cuddled him
He lied down his head on my shoulder
The thing he would do when I cuddled him
I knew instantly he has passed away
I cried
He put his right paw on my left arm
As if he wanted to tell me things would be okay

A voice came ‘it’s time’
No, no.. I don’t want to let him go
Give me more time

I saw him being carried and lifted up by an angel
He looked down to me
I have never seen him so happy, so peaceful, young and healthy

The angel brought him to a light place
I have seen it many times before
My Doggie is in heaven now
I wept for feeling relief
And loss

*  *  *  *  *

this was one of his favorite spot. this is where we burried him
I looked at Keke, my dear Keke, my love
She stopped crying
She hugged me, kissed me, cuddled me
Oh, it was like before
She has done this like a thousand of times
I always love it
But I have got this feeling
I put my paw on her arm
Keke, you have to let me go..
I wished I could stay forever with you
But I can’t

The angel lifted me up
I looked down to see Keke
Don’t cry, Keke
Be happy for me
I am happy
I will be living in this beautiful place

*  *  *  *  *

Tell me how can I survive without you
You were one of my positive energy
The world and people may go crazy
But when I got home
And I saw you, as I hugged and kissed you
I knew you were my sanctuary

Eversince you were gone
I am angry at everything and at everyone
Stupid world, stupid people, stupid problems, stupid life
I hate it, I hate them, I hate myself, I hate my life
I hate this period of time
I hate not knowing how to deal with it
And how to overcome it

*  *  *  *  *

I hate to see her crying
She cried a lot
I feel her pain
And it’s making me restless

I am given a privilege
I am being sent back to earth
To be with Keke
To ease her feelings
Until she is no longer grieving

*  *  *  *  *

I broke down on the third day
After Doggie was gone
That night with all of my heart, spirit and soul.. I called out for him

The next day
When I woke up in the morning
I saw him in my room
He jumped up to me, barking and wagging his tail
So excited and happy to see me

I thought I was imagining
Maybe I have gone crazy

*  *  *  *  *

Just like her father and her late grandmother
She can see spirit
She can see me

She was skeptical at first
She thought she was hallucinating
But then she saw me going back and forth between two world
Only after that she knew I return to earth
For her

My presence calms her
Soothes her
Prevents her from doing bad things out of grieve

*  *  *  *  *

his last photo, taken in February 2015
I am still grieving
But it is not as bad as before
Doggie is still around
I see his spirit
I know it is not forever
They say time heals
But I don’t know how long it is going to be
Before I can fully overcome this grief
And to live completely without Doggie

*  *  *  *  *

I am here for as long as you need me
But life doesn’t end here
You have a long and beautiful life
You will have all of your dreams and hopes
So don’t give up
Keep walking, keep your head’s up, keep the faith

*  *  *  *  *

I have gone through many shits in my life
Nothing have ever beaten me
I’ll get through this somehow
You’ll see..

*  *  *  *  *

I stick around for time being
Until you can stand firm on your feet again

When you finally able to live without me
Remember this,
I never get far from you
And one day
We will be reunited, never be apart again

*  *  *  *  *

you're greatly missed not only by me, the kids, neighbors, my students &
even the garbage man miss you, this morning when he came, he called out
'Doggie, Doggie!.. where are you?' .. eventhough he knew you've passed away
People suggest and even have offered me
A new dog
I told them Doggie is irreplaceable

It was 5th April, 2006
When he came into my life
And left me on 4th June, 2015
We had nine years together
We will have eternity together

Wait for me to come home, Doggie..
Where we will never be apart again


  1. agghhh cakep bgt doggie :(... Golden retriever ya mba? selalu suka ama anjing2 jenis ini... mereka biasanya adorable & penyayang..cocok utk keluarga yg punya anak kecil... All dogs go to heaven mba :).. dan kalo baca soal anjing gini, aku lg2 kepikiran ama festival yulin di China sana yg tega nyiksa 10rb anjing dan kucing utk dimakan.. :(

  2. iya dong.. buat saya si Doggie anjing terganteng se-dunia.. hehehe. iya, dia campuran golden, tp ga tau campuran sama ras mana. penampilan & sifatnya lebih dominan golden tp ga sebesar & setinggi golden asli

    golden retriever memang disebut family dog, anjing utk keluarga, yg punya anak atau buat org2 tua, org cacat.. dipake jg sama polisi buat jd anjing pelacak krn penciuman mereka yg canggih bisa buat nyari jejak..

    iya, gila aja masih ada yg suka makan daging anjing.. kayak udah kehabisan bahan makanan aja ya. eh, di wall facebook saya ada saya taro postingan utk mereka yg mau ikut ttd petisi menentang festival yulin. saya ikut ttd.

    ada jg berita yg katanya festival yulin jd dibatalin krn banyak di protes dunia internasional, beritanya ada di wall fb saya jg