Never Let You Go

Beberapa minggu lalu teman saya bercerita tentang masalah yang dihadapinya dengan suaminya yang membuat selama seminggu dia tidak mau kembali ke rumah mereka.

Few weeks ago my friend told me about the problem she had with her husband that has made her left their house for a week.

“Untung kita damai-damai saja ya selama ini” saya ingat saya mengucapkan ini pada pacar saya ketika kami membicarakan mereka.

“Good thing that we are doing okay all this time” I remember I said that to my boyfriend when we talked about them.

Terlalu cepat rupanya saya ngomong begitu karena beberapa hari kemudian badai pertama datang.

Obviously it was too premature for me to say it because few days after that the first storm hit us.

Kurang dari sebulan kemudian datang badai kedua. Lebih besar dari yang pertama.

Less than a month later the second storm struck. It was bigger than the first one.

Karena kalau badai yang pertama bikin saya mendiamkan dia selama kira-kira 8 jam, yang kedua ini baru reda 48 jam kemudian. Komunikasi tetap ada tapi secara tertulis. Selama itu hanya sekali kami bicara di telpon dan itu karena urusan pekerjaan.

The first storm got me into silent mode for about 8 hours, the second one ceased 48 hours later. There was communication but it was non verbal. We talked just once, it was on the phone and it was about work.

Waduh, pikir saya, ini badai kok datang justru setelah saya mengeluarkan perkataan ‘untung ya kita damai-damai saja ya selama ini’.. kalau tahu bakal jadi begini, saya tidak akan ngomong gitu deh.. *pusing*

Geez, I thought to myself, these storms came after I said “Good thing that we are doing okay all this time”.. if only I knew it would be like this, I wouldn’t say those word.. *dizzy*

Pakabar lo? Gue liat di fb, lo lagi jungkir balik..

How are you doing? I saw your facebook , you’re in a mess..

Pesan whatsapp itu saya terima dari teman lama saya, Henny, di hari ketika emosi saya sedang berada di puncak.

That whatsapp message was sent by my old friend, Henny, on the day when my emotion reached its peak.

Henny dan saya sudah kenal dari tahun 1998 ketika kami kerja sekantor. Komunikasi kami putus sambung setelah saya keluar dari kantor itu tahun 2001 dan beberapa tahun kemudian dia menikah lalu pindah ke Amerika. Komunikasi kami baru benar-benar terjalin lagi mulai bulan Oktober tahun lalu.

Henny and I have known each other since 1998 when we worked in the same office. Our communication was on and off after I resigned in 2001 and she got married and moved to America few years after that. Last year the line of communication was open once again, in October.

Kenape lo? Lo baek-baek aja?

What’s wrong with you? Are you ok?

Saya menceritakan garis besarnya saja apa yang terjadi antara saya dan pacar saya.

I just told her the general picture of what have happened between me and my boyfriend.

Semua pasangan beda karakter n kepribadian, kalo sama mah anak kembar dong.

Every couple has different characters and personality, if everything is same then it would make them twins.

Saya tersenyum membaca responnya.. khas Henny; cuek, spontan dan selalu kedengaran lucu sekalipun dia tidak sedang bercanda.

I smiled when I read her reply.. that’s Henny; easy going, spontaneous and with the sting sense of humor without her trying to be funny.

Klu kagak ada slek dikit-dikit n konslet, ga normal tu, apalagi lo orang kan baru jadian.

It wouldn’t be normal if you have no quarrel, especially this is new for .

Perlu waktu sebelon ahirnya 2 orang bisa terima satu sama lainnya.

It takes time, gradually and eventually before 2 people can accept one another.

Saya kembali tersenyum karena teringat pada masa lalu kami. Kalau sudah hari Jumat, kami dan beberapa teman sekantor nongkrong di cafe, minum, dansa.. pulang subuh buat mandi, ganti baju dan balik lagi ke kantor kalau hari Sabtu kami kebagian jadwal kerja. Pada masa-masa itu kebijaksanaan jauh dari otak kami.

It made me smile again when I remember our past. We and some of our colleagues from work went to cafes on Friday, we drunk, danced.. got back at dawn only to shower, changed clothes and got back to the office if we had work shift on Saturday. That was the time when wisdom had no place in our brain.

Makanya sabarlah..

So lightened up..

Lo pikir kayak gue n laki gue adem ayem aja..

You think things stay just cool between me and my hubby..

Bukan berarti tiap habis berantem, putus, bisa berapa kali kawin cerai gue kalo kayak gitu.

It is not like that everytime we fought, we ended up broke up, how many times would you think I would get a divorce if that were the case.

Nah, kali itu saya benar-benar tertawa sendiri membaca komentarnya. Henny yang beberapa tahun lebih muda dari saya, yang lebih sinting dari saya ketika kami masih sama-sama muda dulu, teman saya keluyuran dan beberapa kali kami berdua bergantian saling menjaga dan merawat ketika yang satu sedang pingsan karena mabok.. coba lihat tuh, sekarang dia sedang menasehati saya.. hehe..

There, I just couldn’t help myself not to laugh when I read her message. Henny who is few years younger than me, who was crazier than me when we were young, my hang out buddy and how we took turn looking after one another when one of us passed out for having too much drink.. now look at her, she was giving her advice to me.. lol..

Konsletnya jangan sering dong.

Don’t get mad often, y’know.

Apalagi kalo ntar sudah merit.

Especially when you’re married.

Harus ada komunikasi, kalo laki gue bilang, ngobrol panjang.

Should have communication, my hubby called it long talk.

Sifat lo mesti bisa jalan sama sifat doi lo.

Your characters should go along with your boyfriend’s characters.

Kalo ga kuat, bisa kayak dodol nanti rumah tangga lo.

If it’s not strong, your marriage won’t be solid.

Henny bertemu dengan suaminya ketika kami masih kerja di kantor itu. Setahun pacaran, menikah dan dibawa pindah oleh suaminya, yang orang Indonesia juga tapi sudah lama tinggal di Amerika, ke negeri itu, mereka punya satu anak. Mereka sudah menikah selama hampir 11 tahun.

Henny met her husband when we were working in that office. After a year of courtship, they got married and her husband, who is an Indonesian but has spent many years in America, brought her to that country, they have one daughter. They have been married for 11 years.

Makanya jangan cepet mutusin bubar, kan lo orang masih proses adaptasi.

So don’t say it’s over too fast, you two are still adapting with each other.

Sudah dua hari hati dan pikiran saya berantakan. Dua hari kurang tidur. Dua hari muncul di kantor dengan mata bengkak karena kebanyakan menangis. Dua hari gelisah. Dua hari tersiksa batin.

It has been two days that my heart and my mind were in a mess. Two days of having lack of sleep. Two days came to office with swollen eyes for crying too much. Two days of having anxieties. Two days of having restless soul.

Saya membutuhkan nasihat. Saya tidak tahu apa yang harus saya lakukan. Saya terlalu kacau untuk dapat berpikir dengan akal waras saya.

I needed advice. I didn’t know what to do. I was too messed up to think with my common sense.

Umur dan pengalaman mendewasakan serta merubah saya dan Henny. Kegilaan masa muda sudah tinggal kenangan. Tapi Henny memiliki lebih banyak kelebihan dibandingkan dengan saya. Dia seorang istri dan ibu, tinggal di negeri yang bukan negerinya. Tanpa berkesan menekan atau menggurui, dia bicara dari pengalamannya.

Age and experience have matured and changed Henny and I. The youth madness has become nothing but a memory. But she has things that I don’t have. She is a wife and a mother, living in a foreign country. She talks out of her experience without giving pressure or pretend to know it all.

Yang dikatakan Henny benar. Saya dan pacar saya masih dalam taraf saling mengenali, kami harus belajar untuk bisa saling menerima dan memahami satu dengan lainnya.

Henny is right. My boyfriend and I have to learn to know, to accept and understand each other. 

Saya terbiasa dengan hubungan jarak jauh selama 8 tahun dengan Andre. Kami jarang bertengkar karena jarang ketemu. Selain itu, Andre yang jauh lebih tua dari saya punya sifat lebih tenang, lembut dan mengalah ke saya. Dia juga punya pengalaman hidup bersama dengan mantan pacarnya selama 10 tahun sehingga wajarlah kalau dia lebih tahu bagaimana caranya menghadapi perempuan.

I have been used with my eight years long distance relationship with Andre. We had less fights because we didn’t meet often. Besides, Andre who is older than me has a calmer character, gentle and was a giver to me. He also had the experience living with his former girlfriend for 10 years so it is understandably he knows how to handle a woman.

Tapi kami putus dan saya memulai hubungan baru dengan orang lain.

But we broke up and I start seeing someone else.

Dan segala sesuatunya dengan hubungan saya yang sebelumnya.

And everything is different with my previous relationship.

Kalau saya dan pacar saya saling mencintai dan tidak ingin saling melepaskan, berarti kami harus mencari cara untuk mengatasi segala perbedaan di antara kami.

If my boyfriend and I love each other and won’t let go, then we have to make it work, to find way so our differences won’t break us.

Komunikasi, kesabaran, kelemahlembutan, rasa saling percaya dan kasih menjadi poin-poin penting untuk mempertahankan suatu hubungan.

Communication, patience, gentleness, trust and love are essential points to maintain a relation.