On Silver Plate

“Hayo, apa lagi yang ada di dalam sini” Andre menepuk kening saya.

“There, what do you have in here?” Andre tapped my forehead.

Saya nyengir.

I grinned.

“Dari tadi kamu diam saja” dia mencubit pipi saya “Ayo bilang, ada apa? Apa yang lagi kamu pikirin?”

“You have been quiet” he pinched my cheek “Tell me, what is it? What have you been thinking?”

“Atau kamu lagi sebal sama saya? Kesal sama kerjaan? Ga enak badan?” sambungnya sebelum saya sempat menjawab.

“Or you are upset to me? Pissed off by work? Don’t feel well?” he went on before I could say something.

“Pilihan ganda?” saya berdecak karena merasa dibombardir oleh berbagai pertanyaan.

“Multiple choice?” I clicked my tongue out of feeling being bombarded by the questions.

“Gitu deh” dia tertawa sambil memeluk saya.

“Kind of” he laughed as he hugged me.

“Mmmm…” saya merasa demikian kecil dalam pelukannya “Ketenangan ini menyenangkan. Setidaknya setelah mengalami satu hari yang penuh dengan berbagai hal untuk dikerjakan, diperhatikan, di ingat”

“Mmmm…” I felt so small in his embrace “This calmness is so nice. At least after having a day full with things to do, to watch, to remember”

“Tapi toh pikiranmu tidak pernah beristirahat”

“But your mind never rest”

Saya mesem.

I chuckled.

“Tadi saya cek tensi” kata saya “95/70”

“I have my blood pressure checked today” I told him “95/70”

“Rendah banget!” dia kaget “Kok bisa jadi anjlok begitu? Terakhir ngukur kan 110/80”

“That is low!” he looked shocked “What made it dropped that low? The last time it was 110/80”

“Tapi saya tidak berasa pusing, tidak berkunang-kunang, pandangan mata tiba-tiba jadi gelap”

“But I don’t have any dizzy, no fainting feelings, no sudden black out”

“Tapi tekanan darah rendah begitu bukan tanda bagus. Kamu minum vitamin yang saya kasih?”

“But that low blood pressure is not a good sign. Do you take the vitamin I gave you?”

“Lupa” saya nyengir “Habis tadi pagi saya senewen ting ting mikirin slide lagu paduan suara yang belum beres”

“I forgot” I grinned “I was so nervous thinking about the slides for the choir  needed to be checked by their person in charge”

“Peduli amat dengan segala slide!” tukasnya kesal “Kerjaan boleh saja penting tapi kesehatan kamu juga penting. Jangan satu diutamakan tapi yang lain ditelantarkan”

“Fuck the slide!” he snapped “Work maybe important but so does your health. Don’t put one in priority but neglecting the other”

“Gimana bisa peduli amat dengan slide?” saya menghela napas panjang “Bisa gue diganyang nanti”

“How could I fuck the slide?” I took a deep breath “I would be screwed”

Saya mengelus pipinya “Saya lagi menstruasi dari kemarin. Mungkin itu yang bikin tekanan darah anjlok”

I caressed his cheek “I am having my menstruation since yesterday. Probably that what caused my blood pressure to go down that low”

“Kenapa kok baru ngomong sekarang?.. banyak? Mau ke dokter lagi? Obat masih ada?”

“Why telling me now?.. is it a lot? Wanna go to the doctor? Do you still have the meds?”

“Ah, ngapain? Jangan jadi paranoid gitu dong. Baru juga sehari. Sekarang lagi berhenti dia. Bulan Oktober dia berhenti sebulan. Tadinya saya harap-harap bulan ini tidak keluar, eh, keluar juga. Pantas dari 3 hari sebelumnya badan rasanya ngilu, lesu, malas makan”

“Nah, what for? Don’t get so paranoid. I am only having it for a day. It stops now. I didn’t have it in October, a full month. I was hoping I wouldn’t have it this month. But it came. No wonder my body aching,  I felt drained and have been losing appetite”

Dia menatap saya lama. (Ada hal-hal yang dia katakan yang tidak saya catat disini karena terlalu pribadi).

He stared at me. (There were things he said that I don’t write here because they are personal stuff).

“Tadi saya minta diukur gula dan hasilnya 99”

“I had my sugar level checked too and it was 99”

“Itu normal. Tapi tekanan darah kamu mengkhawatirkan. Kita jaga saja supaya jangan jadi lebih rendah lagi karena berapa kali dulu kamu pernah pingsan waktu tekanan darah kamu anjlok jadi 80/60”

“That’s normal. Your blood pressure is the one I concerned. We have to keep it from not going down anymore because in the past you fainted when it reached 80/60”

“Iya deh” saya tersenyum. Duh, bawelnya..

“Okay” I smiled. Dude, you are so noisy..

Saya memutar otak.

I thought it hard.

Saya harus mengalihkan perhatiannya. Kalau tidak, dia tidak akan berhenti ‘berkicau’ mengkhawatirkan kesehatan saya, merutuki hal-hal yang saya bersikukuh untuk mempertahankan dalam kehidupan saya dan kami bisa masuk dalam adu argumentasi mengenai hal-hal yang sama, argumentasi yang melelahkan dan tidak ada hasilnya kecuali bikin kepala saya tambah puyeng.

I had to come up with something. Otherwise, he wouldn’t stop ‘singing’ about his concern over my health, swearing the things I stubbornly hold in my life and we would get into same argumentation, an exhausting argumentation that lead us to nowhere.

“Ada yang lucu tadi” kata saya teringat pada sesuatu “Pembicara hari ini memanggil saya dari atas mimbar”

“There was something funny this morning” I was reminded to something “Today’s speaker was asking for me from the podium”

“Oh? Kenapa?”

“Oh? Why is that?”

“Dia ingin tahu yang mana sih si Keke itu” dan saya tertawa ngakak.

“He wanted to know which one is Keke” and I bursted out my laugh.

Andre tersenyum. Terlihat bingung tapi juga merasa lucu mendengar suara tawa saya.

Andre smiled. Looked puzzled but also tickled over hearing my laugh.

“Tahu ga, selama 2 tahun saya kerja disitu, baru tadi pagi tuh, ada pembicara yang pasang pengumuman dari atas mimbar; ‘mana sih yang namanya Keke’. Sampai berulang-ulang nanya, penasaran banget pengen tahu dan pengen ketemu sama si Keke”

“Do you know what, I have been working there for 2 years, this morning was the first time the speaker made announcement from the stage; ‘which one are you is Keke’. He asked that many times, so curious to know and itched to meet this Keke”

Andre jadi ikut tertawa “Memangnya kamu tidak nemuin dia sebelon acara mulai?”

It made Andre laughed “Didn’t you meet him before the service started?”

“Ih, gue kan lagi senewen ting ting mikirin slide keparat itu” saya ngakak “Saya sudah lega lihat dia sampai utuh dan selamat. Tepat waktu. Lagian dia sudah dikerumunin sama ‘adik’ saya dan beberapa senior saya. Jadi ngapain saya repot-repot nemuin dia?”

“Man, I was so damn nervous over that fucking slide” I laughed it out loud “I was glad he came safe and sound. Right on time. Besides, he was surrounded by my ‘brother’ and few of my seniors. So why should I be fussing around him too?”

“Lantas, kamu munculin diri ga?”

“So did you show yourself to him?”

“Tahu juga ga kalau dia nyariin saya”

“I didn't even know he was asking for me"

“Memangnya kamu lagi ada dimana?”

“Where the hell were you?”

“Diruangan saya”

“In my room”

“Kata kamu, setiap hari Minggu itu ruangan harus dikunci”

“You said the room has to be locked every Sunday”

Saya ngakak lagi “Ya, teorinya sih memang begitu. Tapi prakteknya kan tidak selalu begitu. Tadi pagi kerjaan banyak. Bendaharanya juga sibuk. Karena siangnya mau ada rapat jadi dia minta supaya laporan dan keperluan saya yang ada kaitannya dengan per-duit-an diselesaikan pagi itu saja”

It gave me another laugh “Yep, in theory. But not so in practice. I had lots of work in the morning. So was the accounting section. There would be meeting in few more hours so he asked me to give the report and list of the office’s necessities for a week at that morning”

“Trus, ga ada yang keluar buat manggil kamu?”

“So no one went outside to let you know about it?”

“Mereka kira saya ada diruangan sebelah”

“They thought I was in the adjoining room”

“Tapi dipanggil-panggil gitu dan kamu masih ga nongol juga, masa ga ada yang berinisiatif buat keluar dan manggil kamu?”

“But after he called out for you and you still not came to the room, no one took the initiative to go out and get you?”

“Boro-boro” saya ngakak “Pantatnya pada nempel semua ke kursi”

“Gee wheez” I laughed hard “Everyone’s ass was glued to the bench”

Andre tertawa “Dia manggil kamu itu buat apa?”

Andre laughed “Why did he call out for you?”

“Buat bilang terima kasih ke saya” saya nyengir “Karena saya ga nongol juga, akhirnya dari atas mimbar dia ngomong ke semua yang ada diruangan itu bahwa intinya dia amat sangat terkesan pada perhatian yang saya berikan karena saya mondar mandi mengirim sms menanyakan segala keprintilan dari mulai apa dia sudah terima tema, apa dia tahu arah, saya email dia rincian tema, acara, lagu dan denah. Saya kasih dia nomor hp senior saya yang tugasnya menjemput pembicara dan nomor hp dia juga saya kasih ke senior saya itu supaya mereka bisa saling kontak”

“To thank me” I grinned “Since I didn’t come to the room, finally he told the audience that the point is he was impressed to my attention since I texted him many times asking all the knick knacks from asking if he had been informed about the topic for his speech, if he knew our location, I emailed him the details about this morning’s program, the topic of his speech, the list of songs and the map. I gave him my senior’s the cellphone number, vice versa, so they could contact each other and arranged the meeting point should he need to be picked up”

“Semua kerjaan rutin” lanjut saya “Tidak ada istimewanya lagi”

“It’s a routine thing” I went on “Nothing special”

“Ya, itu buat kamu” Andre mencium saya “Tapi jelas tidak buat dia kalau dia sampai jadi demikian terkesannya. Mungkin belum pernah ada pihak pengundang yang sampai begitu”

“That’s for you” Andre kissed me “But certainly not for him seeing how impressed he was. Maybe he has never had such thing when he was invited to deliver a speech outside his church”

“Yah, mungkin juga” saya tidak berpikir sampai kesitu.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right” I wasn’t thinking about it.

“Jadi apa yang buat kamu adalah pekerjaan rutin, untuk orang lain hal itu adalah sesuatu yang istimewa”

“So what you consider as a routine, other people view it as something special”

“Saya memandangnya seperti menghidangkan sesuatu di atas piring perak” saya nyengir “Mereka tidak tahu dan mungkin juga tidak mau tahu bagaimana caranya sampai hal itu bisa terwujud, yang penting setiap Minggu pagi, pembicara itu sudah terhidang di atas piring perak”

“I see it as serving something on silver plate” I chuckled “They don’t know and probably don’t give damn how it could be there, the most important thing is the speaker is delivered on silver plate every Sunday morning”

“Dan begitu sudah terhidang di depan mereka, selesailah tugas saya. Saya sendiri tidak lagi mempercayai segala hidangan itu. Ada banyak yang hadir dan menikmati hidangan itu tapi tidak mendapatkan hasil apa pun. Saya sendiri juga tidak mempercayai manfaat dari hidangan itu”

“And once it is served before them, my job is done. I myself have no trust on whatever on that silver plate. There are people coming every Sunday and having it but what is the outcome? I no longer have faith on it”

“Kehidupan adalah ceramah sejati, khotbah yang lebih bermakna” saya menghela napas “Kehidupan mengajari tentang kesabaran, kebijaksanaan, kemurahan hati, ketulusan, ketabahan, keteguhan, keberanian, kejujuran, kebaikan dan kejahatan”

“Life is the real speech, meaningful preaching” I took a deep breath “Life teaches me about patience, wisdom, sincerity, endurance, determination, courage, honesty, good and evil”

“Saya tidak perlu diceramahi seakan saya anak umur 5 tahun; kalau kamu berbuat baik, kamu akan masuk surga. Sekarang kamu tidak mau mengikuti ibadah, lalu bagaimana nantinya kalau kamu mati?”

“I don’t need anyone lecture me as if I were only a five year old kid; if you behave, you go to heaven. Now you don’t want to attend the service, where will you go if you die?”

Saya mencibir “Lalu kalau saya ikut ibadah, di jamin saya akan masuk surga? Pasti tidak akan ditolak nantinya disana?.. haha.. kata siapa?”

I mocked it “And if I attend it, heaven guaranteed for me? would I not gonna be rejected there?.. yeah, right.. says who?”

Andre diam. Mencium saya. Mempererat pelukannya.

Andre was quiet. He kissed me. Hugged me tighter.

“Yang penting adalah sikap kita, bagaimana diri kita yang asli setiap harinya” katanya menyimpulkan.

“What matters is our daily attitude, our real self” he concluded.

Ya. Dia benar. Dan itulah yang saya pentingkan sekarang ini. Saya letih berpura-pura. Saya muak bersandiwara.

Yes. He is right. And it is my most concern. I am tired to pretend. I am sick of faking it.

Kehidupan adalah apa yang terhidang di atas piring perak untuk saya.

For me, life is the one that served on silver plate.