When You Tell Me That You Love Me..

Bilang cinta itu ternyata gampang-gampang susah buat beberapa orang (cowok). Karena butuh keberanian, kebulatan tekad dan kepercayaan diri yang tinggi.

Tidak heran akhirnya banyak yang ragu dan memilih diam dengan konsekuensi dihantui oleh rasa :

ð  Penasaran 

        (karena tidak tahu jawaban apa yang akan diberikan oleh cewek  

       yang ditaksirnya);

ð  Tersiksa 

         (dengan rasa cintanya yang tidak kesampaian);

ð  Cemburu 

         (ketika melihat cewek yang ditaksir dekat dengan cowok lain    

       tapi tidak bisa protes karena cewek itu  kan bukan pacarnya);

ð  Disebelin sama cewek yang ditaksirnya karena gregetan   

       nungguin kok tidak ada ketegasan sikap dari pihak si cowok;

ð  Kecewa, gigit jari karena akhirnya cewek yang ditaksirnya 

      disambar cowok lain.

Saya tidak mau komentar soal hal diatas. Saya hanya mau mengatakan bahwa saya pernah beberapa kali bertemu dengan cowok seperti itu. Saya bersimpati dengan ketakutan dan keraguan mereka tapi juga tersiksa karenanya. Hehe.

Anyway, anda masih ingat bagaimana, kapan dan dimana pasangan anda atau anda pertama kali menyatakan cinta?

Hari Minggu lalu sekitar jam 2.30 siang saya menerima sms si bule. “Will come to pick you up. Usual place. What time will you leave?”. Mau jemput kamu. Tempat biasa. Jam berapa kamu pulang?

Jadi saya membalas smsnya. Dan tepat pada waktu yang saya tetapkan, dia sudah nongkrong didalam mobil. Di ujung jalan dekat kantor.

“Where are we going?” tanya saya. Mau kemana kita?

“You’ll see” katanya sok berahasia. Ntar lihat aja.

Ternyata dia membawa saya ke Ancol. Wah, ceritanya orang gunung turun ke laut nih. Hehe.

“I know a good spot to watch the sunset” katanya.

Kami memarkir mobil. Turun. Berjalan pelan-pelan menuju lokasi yang dipilihnya yang katanya enak buat melihat matahari terbenam.

“This is beautiful” bisik saya. Suasana yang tenang, suara debur ombak dan angin laut mempunyai keindahan tersendiri. Terutama karena tidak setiap hari bisa saya lihat.

“I know” dia memeluk dan mencium saya “You know what’s more beautiful than this?”. Kamu tahu apa yang lebih indah dari ini semua?

“What?”

“That I have you with me right now”. Kamu ada disini bersama saya.

Ya. Bener banget. Tapi sementara itu perhatian saya teralih. Sebuah kapal nelayan tampak dikejauhan dan samar-samar terdengar suara lagu Diana Ross ‘When You Tell Me That You Love Me’ mengalun. Kok bisa barengan ya?

Déjà vu. 

Kapal, laut, kata-kata di lagu Diana Ross mengingatkan saya pada sesuatu. Dan itu membuat saya tertawa.

“What?” dia bertanya. Bingung mendengar saya tiba-tiba tertawa. Mukanya terlihat lucu. “what’s so funny?”

“I didn’t laugh at you. I agree, the most beautiful thing is to be here with you”. Saya tidak ngetawain kamu. Setuju deh, yang paling indah adalah saya bisa bersama-sama dengan kamu.

“So what made you laugh?” kalau gitu apa yang bikin kamu ketawa?. Dia menatap saya dengan heran tapi juga ikut tertawa.

“Look at that boat” saya menunjuk ke arah kapal nelayan dikejauhan “The boat, the sea, five years ago… ring a bell?”. Kapal, laut, lima tahun lalu… inget ga?

Dia mengikuti arah yang saya tunjuk.

“Still not ring a bell?” saya penasaran. Masih belum ingat juga?

“The song says ‘when you tell me that you love me’. Do you not remember when you said you love me five years ago?” saya tertawa geli “for the first time”. Kata-kata di lagu itu, waktu kamu bilang kamu cinta ke saya. Kamu ga inget waktu kamu bilang cinta ke saya lima tahun lalu? Untuk yang pertama kalinya.

“I do remember” dia menatap saya sambil nyengir “you, me, Mark and the guys went fishing. It was a beautiful day. We made good catch that day. It was fun”.

Ya, pada hari bersejarah itu dia, saya, Mark dan yang lainnya pergi mancing. Kami berhasil menangkap ikan cukup banyak.

“I hate to see you with Mark” dia tertawa lagi “I was so jealous. It drove me crazy”. Benci betul saya ngelihat kamu dengan Mark. Cemburu berat. Mau gila rasanya.

Saya tertawa lepas.

Lima tahun lalu kami berlibur bersama-sama ke kepulauan seribu untuk mancing. Saya bisa terbawa ikut dalam rombongan mereka karena saat itu saya sedang jalan dengan Mark, seorang teknisi berkebangsaan Inggris.

Beberapa bulan sebelumnya si bule dan saya berkenalan lewat teman dari teman saya. Pada waktu itu jangan membayangkan kami langsung nempel. Saya sama sekali tidak tertarik padanya. Akrab juga tidak. Sikapnya kepada saya pun tidak menyiratkan adanya perasaan istimewa. Saat itu kami semua hanyalah sekumpulan teman dari berbagai bangsa yang memiliki banyak kesamaan. Kami suka travelling, clubbing, makan dan motret.

Saya sebetulnya tidak suka mancing tapi saya senang berada ditengah laut. Sekali pun tidak bisa berenang dan agak khawatir kena mabuk laut. Tapi mengingat akan jalan dengan Mark dan setelah mancing akan berenang serta snorkeling membuat saya semangat ikut.

Laut masih tenang pada waktu kami berangkat pagi-pagi sekali. Tapi semakin siang, gelombangnya semakin semangat. Wah, saat itulah saya mulai merasa kepala agak pening.

Jadi turunlah saya ke dek bawah untuk mengambil obat anti mabok dari ransel. Sambil berpikir-pikir mungkin kalau tidak terpaksa sebaiknya tidak diminum. Takut ngantuk. Mudah-mudahan pusing dan rasa sedikit mual ini bisa hilang kalau saya duduk diam-diam sambil makan biskuit. Kata orang, makan biskuit bisa membantu mengurangi rasa mabok laut.

“Hey” teguran itu membuat saya menoleh “here you are”

“Hi” saya tersenyum dengan tangan sebelah masih mengaduk-aduk ransel. Ah, kemana sih biskuit itu?

“I want to say something” si bule bicara tergesa-gesa “while we are here and he is not all over you”.

Saya mengerutkan kening. Apa maksudnya ingin bicara dengan saya sementara hanya kami yang berada disini dan dia sedang tidak berada bersama saya. Siapa yang dimaksudkannya dengan ‘dia’ (he)?

“Ok” hanya itu kata yang keluar dari mulut saya. Sementara itu tangan saya menemukan biskuit yang saya cari. Dengan lega saya menariknya keluar. Nah, sekarang tinggal mencari dimana obat anti mabok itu. Sebelah tangan saya kembali mengaduk-aduk ransel.

“I fell deeply madly in love with you” katanya.

“Huh??” saya ternganga mendengarnya.

Hehe. Seru, lucu dan unik kan?

“I didn’t know you were having sea sick at that time” si bule nyengir sambil memeluk saya erat “you didn’t even look pale”. Dia sama sekali tidak menduga saat itu saya lagi mabok laut karena saya sama sekali tidak kelihatan pucat.

Saya ngakak “you really took me by surprise that my sea sick was gone at that very second”

Kami berdua tertawa. Ya, saking kagetnya saya mendengar pernyataan cintanya sampai-sampai rasa mabok laut itu hilang seketika detik itu juga. Hehe.

“I have heard guys said they loved me before but yours were the most unexpected one” saya nyengir. Banyak lelaki pernah menyatakan cintanya pada saya tapi pernyataan cintanya yang paling tidak terduga.

“So I was the winner!” dia bersorak sambil mengangkat kedua tangannya ke atas.

“You’re so idiot” saya tertawa.

“An idiot who loves you so much” dia tergelak “who are still with you”

Tapi toh kami tidak langsung pacaran setelah dia menyatakan cintanya pada hari itu.

“I am with Mark” jawab saya padanya. Saya lagi jalan sama Mark.

“I know. I can see that”. Ya, saya tahu.

“And you expect me to leave him?” Kamu ngarepin saya ninggalin dia?

“Are you engaged to him?” saya ingat si bule mengamati jari-jari saya “I don’t see any ring”. Kamu tunangan sama dia? Saya tidak lihat ada cincin di jari kamu.

“What this has anything to do with engagement?”. Apa hubungannya sama tunangan?

“It means I still have a chance to win you” dengan santainya dia berkata demikian. Itu artinya dia masih punya kesempatan untuk bisa mendapatkan saya.

Whoa! Gile banget nih bule, pikir saya saat itu.

“You are insane if you think I am going to break up with Mark so I could be with you” omel saya. Sinting kamu kalau kamu pikir saya bakal putus sama Mark supaya bisa jadian sama kamu.

Eh, ternyata beberapa bulan kemudian saya dan Mark putus beneran. Hehe.

“I heard you and Mark broke up” itu kalimat pembuka yang diucapkannya ketika kami bertemu sekian bulan berikutnya. Entah dari siapa dia dengar kabar kami bubaran karena saya tidak pernah ngomong ke siapa pun.

“Yeah, what did you do? Put a spell on us?” jawab saya antara bercanda, kesal dan heran. Kamu ngejampi-jampi apa ke kita sampai kita putus.

“I still fell deeply madly in love with you” katanya seakan tidak terganggu dengan kata-kata saya “Why don’t you give yourself a chance to know me? That’s all I am asking”.

Hmm… dia minta saya memberinya kesempatan untuk mengenalnya.

“Deal” Saya menyepakatinya karena yakin saya akan bisa mengusirnya.

“I should never said deal” saya tersenyum.

“I’m glad you said deal” dia menunduk dan mencium saya “if I were not that insane, we would never be together”.

Ya. Dia pantang mundur. Tapi tidak mendesak. Namun kalau dia tidak seperti itu, kami tidak akan pernah jadian (hampir setahun setelah dia menyatakan cintanya pada saya di atas kapal itu, kami pun sepakat jadian).

Saya pikir, itulah karakter yang saya sukai dari seorang lelaki.

_______________________________________

Some people (men) find it hard to say I love you to the people they love. It need courage, determination and confidence.

No wonder many of them prefer to keep their mouth shut though they become restless out of :

ð  Curiousity (wondering what the girl would say if he tells    

      her he is inlove with her);

ð  Torture (by his discourage to come to the girl & tell her he 

      loves her);

ð  Jealousy (over seeing the girl he loves becomes close   

     with other guy);

ð  Have to deal with the girl’s upsetness seeing his 

     indecision;

ð  Disappointment to see the girl ends up with other guy.

I won’t say any comments. I just want to say that I have met men like that and how they brought headache to me though I symphatize their worries dan fears. Lol.

Well anyway, have you still remember how, when and where your spouse, girl/boy friend told you for the first time that he/she is in love with you?

Last Sunday, at around 2.30 pm, my ‘dear’ friend texted me. “Will come to pick you up. Usual place. What time will you leave?”

I texted him back. And he was at the corner of the street near the office, waited for me right at my given time .

“Where are we going?” I asked him.

“You’ll see”. He just winked at me.

He actually took me to the sea. The town where I live is surrounded by mountains and hills so it is always nice to go down to the sea.

“I know a good spot to watch the sunset” he said.

We parked the car and walked slowly to that spot.

“This is beautiful” I wishpered. The tranquility filled only with the sound of the waves and the breezing sound of wind. It is most treasured because I don’t get to see all this everyday.

“I know” he hugged and kissed me “You know what’s more beautiful than this?”.

“What?”

“That I have you with me right now”.

Yes. That’s so true. But in the meantime I’ve got distracted. A fishing boat appeared and I heard Diana Ross song ‘When You Tell Me That You Love Me’ quietly played.

Déjà vu.

That fishing boat and the words of the song reminded me to something. I laughed.

“What?” puzzled by my laugh made his face looked funny “what’s so funny?”

“I didn’t laugh at you. I agree, the most beautiful thing is to be here with you”

“So what made you laugh?” he looked confused but laugh along.

“Look at that boat” I pointed at the boat “The boat, the sea, five years ago… ring a bell?”.

He looked at my direction.

“Still not ring a bell?”

“The song says ‘when you tell me that you love me’. Do you not remember when you said you love me five years ago?” I laughed “for the first time”.

“I do remember” he grinned as he stared me “you, me, Mark and the guys went fishing. It was a beautiful day. We made good catch that day. It was fun”.

Yes. On that historic day we all went fishing. It was a beautiful day indeed.

“I hate to see you with Mark” he laughed again “I was so jealous. It drove me crazy”.

Five years ago we went to that outing trip to thousand island. I could be among them because I went there as Mark’s girl friend. Mark is a british technician.

Few months earlier my ‘dear’ friend and I were introduced through a friend’s friend. Don’t imagine that we got together at the moment. We were not even closed. I was not interested on him. We were just like a bunch of friends from many countries who have same interests in clubbing, travelling, culinary and photography.

I dislike fishing but love to be at the sea. I can’t swim and worried about sea sick. But the thought that I’d go out with Mark and we would go swimming and snorkeling after the fishing made me enthusiast about the trip.

The sea was calm in the morning but the wave got bigger as it reached noon. It was when I felt a little dizzy.

So I went to the deck below to get something to get rid it. I really didn’t want to take medicine because it made me sleepy. Maybe the biscuit would help.

“Hey” someone followed me down there “here you are”

“Hi” I smiled with one hand still reaching for the biscuit in my backpack. Where did I put it?

“I want to say something” my ‘dear’ friend spoke rushedly “while we are here and he is not all over you”.

Who did he refer to when he said ‘he’? I stared at him with that question hanging in my mind.

“Ok” was my reply. Aha, I found that biscuit. Now my sea sick pills. Where are they? My hand reached in the backpack again.

“I fell deeply madly in love with you” he popped the words.

“Huh??” I was really taken by surprise that I couldn’t say a word.

Lol. 

“I didn’t know you were having sea sick at that time” he grinned as he hold me closer “you didn’t even look pale”.

I laughed “you really took me by surprise that my sea sick was gone at that very second”

We both laughed.

“I have heard guys said they loved me before but yours were the most unexpected one” I grinned.

“So I was the winner!” he rose his arms up and shouted.

“You’re so idiot”.

“An idiot who loves you so much” he laughed “who are still with you”

However, we didn’t get together instantly after that.

“I am with Mark” that was my answer to him after he said he fell deeply madly in love with me.

“I know. I can see that”.

“And you expect me to leave him?”

“Are you engaged to him?” he studied my fingers “I don’t see any ring”.

“What this has anything to do with engagement?”.

“It means I still have a chance to win you”.

Whoa! He is so mad, I thought.

“You are insane if you think I am going to break up with Mark so I could be with you”

But what do you know, Mark and I broke up several months later. Lol.

“I heard you and Mark broke up” was his opening line when we met few months later. I didn’t know how he found out about it as I didn’t tell anyone.

“Yeah, what did you do? Put a spell on us?” I replied, half joking, half upset.

“I still fell deeply madly in love with you” he wasn’t bothered by my answer “Why don’t you give yourself a chance to know me? That’s all I am asking”.

“Deal” I only said that because I thought it could get rid of him.

“I should never said deal” I smiled.

“I’m glad you said deal” he kissed me “if I were not that insane, we would never be together”.

Yeah, talk about persistence. Without being pushy. But if he didn’t take such attitude, we would never be together (we officially got together nearly a year after he said he loved me on that boat).

I think that is the character I seek from a man.