Don’t Trust What You See

Saya memikirkan tentang orang-orang yang saya kenal. Saya memikirkan tentang diri saya sendiri.

Penampilan kita bisa menipu. 

Si bule misalnya, ketika kami bertemu pertama kalinya 5 tahun lalu dia memberi kesan seperti seorang hippie. Penampilannya acak adut. Rambutnya seperti tidak pernah disisir, kumisan dan brewokan, badan ber-tato, merokok, pakaiannya lusuh… aduh mak, kalo itu bisa disebut berpakaian karena tidak jarang dia hanya berkeliaran hanya dengan bercelana boxer tanpa baju.

Dengan penampilannya yang seperti itu, tidaklah heran ketika saat itu saya menjauhinya seakan dia seorang penderita lepra.

Beda dengan Mark, teknisi asal Inggris, yang saat itu sedang menjalin hubungan dengan saya. Sekalipun dia lebih banyak bekerja dengan mesin, mengotori tangannya dengan oli dan berkeringat karena melakukan pekerjaan kasar tapi penampilannya klimis dan rapi.

Hm, tapi jangan salah bo, itu penampilan luarnya. Sifat dan kelakuan Mark tidaklah se-klimis dan se-rapi itu. Setelah mengenalnya selama beberapa lama dan mengalami beberapa hal tidak menyenangkan, saya memutuskan untuk tidak meneruskan hubungan kami.

Si bule yang punya penampilan acak adut dan sempat membuat saya menjauhinya seakan dia penderita lepra, justru memiliki sifat dan kelakuan yang jauh lebih baik dari penampilan luarnya. Dia juga memperlakukan saya jauh lebih baik. Kalau tidak, ga mungkin saya bisa dan mau menjalin hubungan dengan dia selama 4 tahun.

Alangkah anehnya manusia itu…

Saya telah bertemu dengan banyak macam manusia. Saya telah mengalami banyak pengalaman yang membuat saya mewanti-wanti diri sendiri untuk tidak tertipu dengan penampilan luar seseorang dan untuk tidak terburu-buru memberikan vonis atau membuat kesimpulan sepihak tentang seseorang.

Tapi toh, masih juga saya bisa terkelabui…

“Don’t judge the book by its cover” si bule tersenyum saat saya membagi pemikiran saya ini padanya. Jangan menilai buku dari sampulnya.

Saya tertawa “yeah, it can be deceiving”. Bisa menipu.

“So you were deceived to think I was not a good person when we met five years ago?” dia bertanya. Jadi kamu sempet ketipu dan mengira saya bukan orang yang baik waktu kita bertemu 5 tahun lalu?.

Saya tertawa malu.

Yah, tapi kan saya tidak tahu dia sebetulnya klimis dan rapi kalau tidak sedang berlibur. Gimana saya bisa tahu? Lha, setiap kali dia datang mengunjungi saya pastinya dia berpenampilan acak adut begitu. Saya baru tahu bagaimana penampilannya sehari-hari dinegerinya setelah tidak sengaja melihat foto-fotonya.

“Is this you?” saya sulit percaya bahwa lelaki dalam foto-foto itu adalah dia karena disitu rambutnya tersisir rapi tanpa jenggot dan kumis, yang bikin tambah pangling adalah karena dia memakai jas. Necis. Rapi. Keren. Kelihatan jauh lebih muda.

“Yes, baby, that’s me” dia mengedipkan sebelah matanya kepada saya.

Saya berdecak sambil menggeleng-gelengkan kepala. Yang saya kenali dari dirinya dalam foto-foto itu hanyalah mata, hidung dan kacamata bacanya itu. Wah, siapa kira si ‘Kapten Haddock’ ini ternyata ganteng juga bila penampilannya diubah drastis.

Manusia memang penuh dengan kejutan.

“I have been to many places. Some of them have shiny floors and windows while others are simply huts. It is easy to be fooled by what you see. But you have to look deeper and you will see that there are much than shiny floors”. Sudah banyak tempat yang saya kunjungi. Beberapa diantaranya berlantai dan berjendela mengkilap sementara yang lainnya cuma pondok sederhana. Jadi ya gampang banget untuk tertipu dengan apa yang kita lihat. Tapi kalau kamu lihat lebih dalam, akan kelihatan bahwa lantai mengkilap bukanlah segalanya.

Saya tertawa “and you were not that ‘shinny floor’ when I met you five years ago”. Kamu bukanlah ‘lantai mengkilap’ itu waktu kita ketemu lima tahun lalu.

“Neither did you” dia tersenyum. Begitu juga kamu.

“If I was not that ‘shiny floor’, what made you fell for me?”. Kalau memang saya bukan jenis ‘lantai mengkilap’, terus apa yang bikin kamu jadi suka sama saya?

“I don’t know” si bule mengangkat bahu “I honestly don’t know. I have dated many women before and then I was introduced to you”. Saya betul-betul tidak tahu. Saya sudah  pacaran dengan banyak perempuan dan kemudian saya dikenalin ke kamu.

“There is something about you that just caught my eyes. You looked like a simple person, casual, down to earth, happy to be yourself”. Ada sesuatu dalam diri kamu yang bikin saya tertarik. Kamu kelihatan seperti seorang yang sederhana, apa adanya dan bahagia menjadi diri sendiri.

Saya tertegun. Seperti itukah diri saya dimata orang lain?

“It is true that I am casual and down to earth but I am definitely not simple and not always happy to be myself. I have a complicated mind, I am easily lost my way” jawab saya. Memang betul kalau dibilang saya apa adanya tapi saya jelas bukan orang yang punya jalan pikiran sederhana dan saya tidak selalu bahagia menjadi diri sendiri.

“I didn’t know that at that time” dia tersenyum. Saya tidak mengetahuinya pada waktu itu.

Ya tentu saja.

“I was a bad tempered person when I was a kid and a teenager” saya mengingat-ingat masa lalu “I was still not an easy person to be with even after I was in my 20s and 30s”. Saya seorang yang emosional semasa kecil dan remaja. Umur 20-30 aja watak saya masih sulit.

“Did you hide it?”. Apa kamu sembunyikan itu?

“No” saya berpikir “but funny thing is people described me the same as your description about me”

“That you looked like a simple person, casual, down to earth, happy to be yourself?” dia nyengir.

“Yeah, imagine that I have deceived people” saya ngakak. Bayangin, saya sudah menipu orang dengan penampilan luar saya.

“You didn’t and don’t fool them thoroughly because half of that image is true. You are an easy going, simple, casual and down to earth”. Kamu tidak sepenuhnya mengelabui mereka karena memang benar kamu itu orangnya luwes, sederhana dan apa adanya.

“Yes”.

“I have met, and I am sure you have too, people who are  so deceiving. Their true characters are so completely different with the one they show the world”. Saya sudah pernah ketemu, dan saya yakin kamu juga sudah, banyak orang yang betul-betul bisa mengelabui kita dengan diri yang ditampilinnya kepada dunia luar karena beda banget sama diri aslinya.

Anda mungkin akan berargumentasi bahwa orang harus menyesuaikan citra dirinya dengan tempat, waktu dan jabatan.

Ya, argumen anda tidak salah tapi juga tidak sepenuhnya benar.

Saya telah bertemu dengan orang-orang yang punya jabatan tinggi tapi sikapnya tetap santai, tidak jaim, tidak menciptakan jarak, tidak merepotkan bagaimana orang harus bersikap terhadap dirinya yang lebih tinggi dalam posisi, lebih senior dalam umur, status, kepintaran atau pengalaman. Asyik banget deh pokoknya kalau punya atasan, rekan kerja atau teman seperti orang-orang ini.

Tapi ada juga yang tipe orang yang membangun citra dirinya begitu ‘mengkilap’ sampai membuat saya kadang bertanya-tanya dibalik semua itu seperti apa dirinya yang asli. Apa sama indah dan mengkilap?. Tapi dari pengalaman saya, biasanya tidak. Dan sedihnya, cepat atau lambat, dirinya sendiri juga yang kemudian membuka kedoknya itu.

Jadi janganlah terlalu cepat percaya dengan apa yang anda lihat.

“If, say, five years ago I appeared as the person you see in these pictures, would you dislike me?” si bule bertanya setelah sejenak diam merenungi kata-kata saya. Kalau penampilan saya seperti di foto-foto yang kamu lihat ini, apa kamu bakal merasa ga suka sama saya?.

“I’d have different impression” jawab saya. Kesan saya tentang kamu akan beda.

Dia diam. Menatap saya lama. “I have met and dated so many women. Some of them got impressed by my outer look. You know I am that ‘shinny floor’ but in reality am not shinny inside”. Saya sudah ketemu dan pacaran dengan banyak perempuan. Beberapa dari mereka terpesona dengan penampilan saya yang luarnya memang ‘mengkilap’ tapi aslinya kan tidak.

“And do you know how people see me?” saya tertawa. Setengah geli, setengah dalam ironi “I am admired as a teacher; liked as a person; mocked for my disabilities; needed for my skills and degraded by people who somehow felt threatened by my presence or envied me when I thought I was really nothing compared to them”. Tahu ga gimana orang melihat saya?. Sebagai guru, saya dikagumi; disukai sebagai seorang individu; dihina oleh karena kekurangan dalam diri say;, dibutuhkan karena kemampuan saya dan direndahkan oleh orang-orang yang entah bagaimana bisa merasa diri mereka terancam karena kehadiran saya atau karena iri pada saya. (Lucunya) menurut saya, saya tidak ada apa-apanya bila dibandingkan dengan mereka .

“It shows clearly that we all should not believe what we see” dia memeluk saya “because what we see can be deceiving”. Jadi semua ini menunjukkan kepada kita bahwa kita tidak boleh percaya begitu saja dengan apa yang kita lihat karena semua itu bisa menipu.

“Mmmm..” pelukannya selalu membuat saya merasa nyaman dan aman “I have misjudged people. I did that to you. That’s a mistake”. Saya pernah salah menilai orang. Saya salah menilai kamu.

“Everybody makes mistake” dia mencium saya “I am just glad the impression I gave you  didn’t stop you from giving yourself a chance to know me”. Manusia tidak lepas dari berbuat salah. Saya bersyukur karena kamu tetap memberi kesempatan untuk mengenal saya sekalipun saya memberikan citra diri yang acak adut.

“Honey, FYI (for your information/untuk diketahui), I don’t do that to everybody” saya tertawa antara geli, malu dan dengan nurani yang sedikit terusik. Saya tidak melakukan hal seperti itu kepada semua orang.

“Well, I’m glad you did that to me” dia ikut tertawa. Saya bersyukur kamu melakukan hal itu kepada saya.

“So am I” saya menghela napas dengan sejuta pikiran berseliweran didalam kepala saya “so am I”. Saya juga.

_____________________________________________

I am thinking about the people I know. I am thinking about myself.

Our looks can be deceiving.

My ‘dear’ friend for example, when we met 5 years ago his appearance was really unflattering. It looked as if he never combed his hair, he was bearded and whiskered so thick, he smokes, he has tattoos on his body, it looked like he didn’t care of the way he dressed, if I could say ‘dressed’ because it happened often that he would wander around wearing only shorts.

So it was not a surprise if I didn’t want to get near him. I treated him as if he were a person who had leprosy.

Mark, the British technician whom I dated at that time had a complete contrast appearance. Though his kind a work made him got dirty and sweaty because he worked with machines in factories but he always neat.

But that was his outer appearance. His characters and personality were not that neat. After some period of time in courtship and experiencing few unpleasant stuff, I decided to end our relationship.

My ‘dear’ friend who had unflattering appearance that made me avoided him as if he had leprosy, turned out to have better characters and personality. He treats me better too or otherwise I would not keep our relationship goes this long.

People are so weird…

I have met so many type of people. I have lots of experience to make me warn myself not to be fooled by people’s outer appearance and not to judge them too fast.

But it still fooled me occassionaly ..

“Don’t judge the book by its cover” my ‘dear’ friend smiled when I shared him these thoughts.

It made me laughed “yeah, it can be deceiving”

“So you were deceived to think I was not a good person when we met five years ago?”

I laughed again. Embarrassed.

But how would I know that he only looked unflattering like that in holiday time and not on daily basis. How am I to know if he always appeared so unflattering like that everytime he comes here for a holiday and also to visit me. It was after I found his photos that I realized he appears neat on daily basis.

“Is this you?” I asked in my disbelief on seeing those photos. His hair is neatly combed, he doesn’t have beard and moustache, he dresses neatly, he looks so much younger. Nice. Clean. Smooth.

“Yes, baby, that’s me” he winked his eyes at me.

I shook my head in amazement. His eyes, nose and reading glasses were the only one I recognize. Well, what do you know that he could look handsome when he changed his appearance drastically.

People are so full with surprises.

“I have been to many places. Some of them have shiny floors and windows while others are simply huts. It is easy to be fooled by what you see. But you have to look deeper and you will see that there are much than shiny floors”.

I laughed, “and you were not that ‘shinny floor’ when I met you five years ago”

“Neither did you” he smiled.

“If I was not that ‘shiny floor’, what made you fell for me?”.

“I don’t know” he shrugged his shoulder “I honestly don’t know. I have dated many women before and then I was introduced to you”

“There is something about you that just caught my eyes. You looked like a simple person, casual, down to earth, happy to be yourself”.

It stunned me. Do I give people those kind of impression?

“It is true that I am casual and down to earth but I am definitely not simple and not always happy to be myself. I have a complicated mind, I am easily lost my way”.

“I didn’t know that at that time”  he smiled softly.

“I was a bad tempered person when I was a kid and a teenager” I reminded of how I was in the past “I was still not an easy person to be with even after I was in my 20s and 30s”.

“Did you hide it?”.

“No” I thought it for awhile “but funny thing is people described me the same as your description about me”

“That you looked like a simple person, casual, down to earth, happy to be yourself?” he grinned.

“Yeah, imagine that I have deceived people” I bursted out my laugh.

“You didn’t and don’t fool them thoroughly because half of that image is true. You are an easy going, simple, casual and down to earth”.

“Yes”.

“I have met, and I am sure you have too, people who are  so deceiving. Their true characters are so completely different with the one they show the world”.

You may argue that we should put our appearance according to place, time and position. Yes, it is correct but also incorrect.

I have met with people who have important position but have easy going, casual and low profile personalities, they don’t really focus on setting certain image, not sweating over people’s attitude toward them. It is definitely making them fun to be with, to work with and be friended with.

Others, however, polish their clean-smooth-neat outer images so shinny that I wonder would it be like that too inside?. My experiences tell that it usually goes the opposite. Sad thing is it would always be themselves who eventually reveal their true color.

Therefore, don’t trust what you see.

“If, say, five years ago I appeared as the person you see in these pictures, would you dislike me?” my ‘dear’ friend popped the question.

“I’d have different impression” was my reply.

He went quiet. Staring at me for a moment.

“I have met and dated so many women. Some of them got impressed by my outer look. You know I am that ‘shinny floor’ but in reality am not shinny inside”.

“And do you know how people see me?” I laughed. Half tickled, half in irony “I am admired as a teacher; liked as a person; mocked for my disabilities; needed for my skills and degraded by people who somehow felt threatened by my presence or envied me when I thought I was really nothing compared to them”.

“It shows clearly that we all should not believe what we see” he held me close “because what we see can be deceiving”.

“Mmmm..” he makes me feel warm and safe whenever he held me like this “I have misjudged people. I did that to you. That’s a mistake”.

“Everybody makes mistake” he kissed me “I am just glad the impression I gave you  didn’t stop you from giving yourself a chance to know me”.

“Honey, FYI (for your information), I don’t do that to everybody” I laughed but something inside my conscious bothered me.

“Well, I’m glad you did that to me” he laughed it too.

“So am I” I sighed. Lots of thoughts are still pretty much hanging on my mind. “So am I”